Chapter 399: To vent
"Oh, I do not like the sound of that one bit," Ada clicked her tongue against her palate while shaking her head.
"I am sorry, I don’t mean to be such a downer this early in the morning,"
"My Lord! That is exactly your problem!"
"What?" taken aback by her tone, Arabella leaned away from her a little.
"You heard me! For better or for worse, you are the Lady of this house now. You can’t keep apologizing about everything the way you do," Ada did not backtrack but on the contrary, doubled down.
"I am not the Lady of this house," Arabella muttered, her shoulders slumping further.
"Is that what you really believe? Do you think it’s just a pretty title that you carry around now that you are married or... Oh my goodness!" Ada’s breath almost caught in her throat, eyes wide as saucers, "You don’t think your word matters, do you? That is the whole problem here, isn’t it?"
"Well, it most certainly doesn’t matter as much as his word does," she grumbled under her breath.
To her dismay, Ada caught every bit of it, "And of course, I assume you’ve brought this up with him, your husband!" she put a lot of emphasis on the word husband, but when Arabella said nothing while avoiding her gaze at all cost, Ada’s eyes opened further, threatening to pop out of their sockets, "You haven’t talked about this with him?"
"What good would it do? It is no secret! Everyone knows it! So, I am sure he is the first to be aware of it," Arabella’s shoulders rose for a lasting shrug.
"Aware of what? He can hear from long distances, he can’t read your mind!" once again, upon getting no reaction, Ada continued, but only after simmering down, "What is the real problem here? Please, if you are afraid of telling him, then you can at least trust me,"
"I am not afraid... Of him, but there are things I just can’t tell him, Ada. Yes, he is my husband, thank you very much for pointing that out to me! Still, we are not... The same... You know? I am..."
At the beginning of her speech, Arabella unleashed a tirade, but around the end, her voice turned so small and brittle, giving the impression that she was about to cry.
"You are what... Human?" Ada’s eyes stared daggers into Arabella, ensuring she felt her gaze despite not meeting it.
Arabella’s posture only crumpled further upon itself.
"You don’t honestly think that he married you just for your pretty eyes, right? Or because he felt bad for you?"
"No! I am sure he loves me but... As a vampire... It is hard to...,"
"Vampires who get infatuated with humans wish to keep them closer and under their hold. They do not marry them and give them a title. I have not lived here my entire life but I’ve seen my fair share. Yours is the first union between a vampire and a human that is officially recorded. At least since the war,"
"My word will never mean as much as his, Ada, because we are not equal and we will never be!" the words tumbled out before she could catch them.
When Arabella finally realized that she’d uttered that out loud, she clasped a hand over her mouth, but the devastating frown remained.
"Not physically, you are not, but you would be dead wrong to let that get between you two,"
"Well, what am I supposed to do? I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. They are loud and-"
"Silas isn’t your father,"
That shut her up at once and got all of her attention.
"And you are not your mother," she added the second blow.
Bold and somewhat cruel words they were, but were they unnecessary too?
Ada was right, and that was exactly why Arabella had no retort to give.
Silas wasn’t her father. Not even close... And she wasn’t Eleanor Burchard.
As painful as it was to admit it, when Arabella had her back to the wall like her mother, she made her own choice.
She chose to flee and live to fight another day.
"I really am no expert in these matters, but I care about you and as odd as it is to say it out loud, I care about Lord Silas too," Ada’s hand ventured towards Arabella’s and took it, "His words may be crude, harsh and dry at times but I do not think for a second that he looks down on you. You two are not equal, but that shouldn’t matter in the slightest. On the contrary, I think you should find a middle ground, a new balance for a couple such as yours with your own dynamics,"
The ambient sounds of the morning as the daytime staff rose from slumber came to fill the void between them.
Arabella kept her gaze down at nothing in particular, but Ada did not let go of her hand just yet.
"I am not saying it will be easy. I have been through the same vicious cycle of reverting back to old habits for years since my arrival. It will take you some time to unlearn all that you’ve been fed about your place as a Lady in Lustris since a tender age. I am afraid that is something you just have to live through, but honestly, you’ve gone through worse,"
The warm smile that wore Ada’s face was stronger against her features, but it had the merit of getting Arabella to mirror the expression.
"So, what am I to do when I am upset with him or disagree?"
"You let him know exactly how it is," Ada nodded solemnly.
"Even if it angers him?"
"Oh, so what?! Let him be angry. You are no longer his servant. You are his wife. Somedays you will anger him no matter what you do and vice versa," Ada’s head tilted to the side for the shortest of seconds, "I mean, I think so. That is what I’ve seen from my parents," she chuckled, "There were days where they would be just up in each other’s faces, yelling at the top of their lungs and then the very next minute they’d be cuddling and canoodling,"
"I don’t want to yell," Arabella shook her head.
"Then don’t yell. Find another way to vent your frustration with him,"