Chapter 481: Blame
Serah sat there in silence for a long while, her gaze lost on the still surface of the lake, though her heart was far from calm. Every word Billy had spoken lingered in her mind—each one like a stone dropped into her chest, sending ripples of sorrow through her soul.
She could almost see it now. The little boy Marcus once was—the laughter, the warmth, the love he had for his mother and sister—and then the blood, the ruin, the grief that twisted him into the man she now knew. It hurt her deeply.
When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, trembling slightly with emotion.
"Billy... I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you both went through. For Marcus to see that... for you to come back to that... gods, it must’ve felt like the world itself was tearing apart."
Billy didn’t reply. His eyes were fixed somewhere far away, as though watching ghosts walk upon the water.
Serah swallowed hard, continuing, her voice thick. "I’ve seen Marcus fight, I’ve seen him laugh, tease, and act like nothing ever shakes him. But now I understand—it’s not because he’s fearless. It’s because he’s endured a pain so deep that nothing else could possibly compare."
Billy finally turned his gaze toward her, his expression calm, but his eyes... they glimmered with something heavy. "Pain like that changes people, Serah. It changes their very soul."
He exhaled deeply, his shoulders sinking with a weary weight that spoke of years of regret. "But if I’m to be honest," he muttered, "all of that... the deaths, Marcus’s rage, his descent—it could’ve all been avoided."
Serah’s brows furrowed softly. "What do you mean?"
Billy’s jaw tightened, his eyes falling to his hands. "If I hadn’t been sick. If my core wasn’t rotting away like it has for years now."
Serah blinked. "Your... core?"
He gave a tired chuckle—one that held no amusement. "Core decay. A sickness that only afflicts dark mages. When one takes in too much dark myst—more than their core can contain—it begins to rot from the inside out. It weakens everything. You lose power, strength, vitality. You become... almost human again."
He looked down at his hands, turning them slightly as faint black lines glimmered beneath the skin, pulsing weakly. "I used to be strong once, Serah. Very strong. But now... I can barely summon a shadow without feeling like my chest is being torn apart. Every time I use myst, I feel it corrode what’s left of me."
Serah’s chest tightened as she listened.
"If I hadn’t been sick back then," Billy continued, his voice low and filled with guilt, "I would’ve been able to protect them. I would’ve been home faster. I would’ve sensed the mercenaries before they ever got close to the town. Tara would still be alive... and Marcus—" He broke off, his hands curling into fists. "Marcus wouldn’t have seen what no child should ever see. He wouldn’t have had to carry that blood on his hands."
Serah’s heart twisted painfully.
Billy’s eyes darkened, voice bitter. "If I had been the man I once was, if I hadn’t let that sickness take everything from me, maybe my son would still smile for real. Maybe he wouldn’t have to bury his humanity beneath jokes and indifference. Maybe—"
"Stop," Serah said quietly, cutting him off.
Billy blinked, looking at her.
She met his gaze firmly, her expression calm but filled with emotion. "Billy... stop blaming yourself for what you couldn’t control."
He stared at her silently.
"You think you could’ve changed everything if you weren’t sick, but you’re wrong," Serah said softly. "You’re only human, just like the rest of us. Even if your core had been whole, fate might have found another way to bring pain to your door. You can’t carry the weight of what the gods chose to take."
She leaned forward slightly, her tone sincere, eyes glimmering in the sunlight that reflected off the water. "You did what any father could have done. You worked to feed your children. You left them in what you thought was the safest place. You trusted the peace of your own home. That isn’t neglect—that’s being human. You couldn’t have known what would happen."
Billy’s lips parted slightly, but no words came out.
Serah’s voice softened even more. "And as for your sickness... you think it made you weak, but I see it differently. You’ve lived with that pain for years, and yet you raised Marcus. You gave him shelter, food, and the little warmth he could still hold onto. That isn’t weakness, Billy. That’s strength. And the heavens know that if you could’ve traded your life for your family’s safety, you would’ve done it without a second thought."
Billy’s eyes grew glassy, the water in them shimmering as he stared at her.
"Marcus might’ve lost his mother and sister," Serah said gently, "but he didn’t lose you. And that’s what matters now. You’re still here. You’re still guiding him, even when he pretends he doesn’t need it. He’s alive because of you, Billy. Don’t you see that?"
A faint breeze swept across the lake, carrying her words like whispers through the reeds.
Billy’s gaze drifted down to the water, his reflection rippling softly. His jaw trembled slightly before he gave a quiet chuckle, wiping a hand over his eyes. "You’ve got a way with words, princess. A dangerous way. You could make a grown man like me tear up."
Serah smiled faintly, though her eyes glimmered too. "Maybe you just needed to hear it."
Billy nodded slowly, his voice soft now, almost breaking. "Maybe I did." He looked up at her, a genuine smile touching his lips—the first one that didn’t seem weighed by the past. "Thank you, Serah. Not just for your words, but for being in Marcus’s life. You’ve given him something no one else could... peace."
The two sat in silence again, the heaviness between them slowly easing. The lake glistened in the warm afternoon light, peaceful and still—until suddenly, a splash broke through the quiet.
Serah blinked, startled, as her fishing rod bent sharply forward.
Billy’s expression brightened instantly. "Well, look at that!" he said, his tone shifting to one of surprise and amusement. "Seems like the lake finally decided to reward your patience!"
Serah laughed softly, gripping the rod as it tugged wildly. "I—! Oh gods, it’s actually pulling!" she exclaimed, her earlier sorrow breaking into a lighthearted smile.
Billy chuckled deeply, standing to help her steady it. "Steady now! Don’t lose your first catch to excitement!"
Together, they wrestled the line until, at last, a gleaming fish burst out of the water, thrashing under the sunlight before landing in the small bucket at their feet.
Serah gasped, her eyes wide, a joyful laugh escaping her. "I actually did it!"
Billy grinned proudly. "Told you you’d get one today. Guess patience really does pay off."
Serah looked at him, smiling softly. "Maybe patience and a good teacher," she said warmly.
Billy chuckled, his eyes reflecting both pride and quiet gratitude. "No, Serah... maybe just a good heart."
And as they sat there, the ripples spreading across the lake like soft echoes of the past, the silence that followed was no longer heavy—just peaceful.