Chapter 134: The Cracks Within
Varen
I blinked hard, forcing my vision to adjust, but no matter how many times I blinked, the words Marcy and Josie had spoken kept circling my mind like vultures. The sound of their voices replayed with such clarity it felt as if they were running beside me, whispering into my ears as I tore through the forest in my wolf form.
She doesn’t trust you.
You’re always angry.
You’re ruining this yourself.
My wolf snarled inside me, restless and furious, demanding something I could not seem to give—attention, affection, the bond we were both starving for. It only made my chest burn hotter, made me feel like I was losing control of everything that I thought I still had a grip on.
I lowered my head, pushing harder into the run, but the thoughts would not leave me alone. Every paw strike against the dirt echoed with accusations. Every breath carried Josie’s scent, a reminder of what I kept pushing away.
"Shut up," I growled to my own wolf, but he only bared his teeth at me from within, his voice vibrating through my bones. You’re the one pushing her away. You’re the one breaking her.
The anger and helplessness twisted inside until I couldn’t contain it anymore. My paws slammed against the earth, and before I realized it, I veered too close to a tree. The bark caught my shoulder, scraping fur and flesh, jolting me backward with a sharp sting. I stumbled, then whipped around and slammed into the trunk with all the force my wolf form could muster.
The impact rattled through me, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough.
I shifted back, my human body trembling, sweat coating my skin, breath rasping out of my throat. The scream tore out before I could stop it, raw and broken, my forehead pressed against the rough bark.
It wasn’t a sound of strength—it was the sound of someone cracking apart.
For a second, I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. Maybe both. Everything felt so twisted. Every time I tried to fix something with Josie, I only destroyed it more. Every time I opened my mouth, I made her hate me further.
There was no hope. Not for a good lie, not for a clever excuse, not for a future that didn’t feel like it was falling apart right in my hands.
I dug my fingers into the bark until it split beneath my nails.
"Varen?"
The voice startled me. I turned, chest still heaving, to see Liam standing a few feet away. His expression was calm but questioning, and that calmness only made me feel more unsteady. He tilted his head, taking in my disheveled state, the way my chest rose and fell too fast, the brokenness I couldn’t hide.
"Why do you look like you’re about to tear yourself to pieces?" he asked softly. "You should be happy. Your marriage is coming up. Most men would be celebrating. Instead..." He gestured vaguely at me. "Instead you’re... like this."
I swallowed hard, words sticking in my throat. I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to.
I turned away, ready to shift back and run again, to bury myself in speed and distance, but before I could move, a gust of air stirred around me. Leaves broke free from the trees and fluttered down, falling across my path like a barrier.
I stopped, growling low.
Liam stepped closer, his voice firmer now. "No running away this time. You need to explain what the hell is going on before you leave this place looking like that."
I pressed the heel of my hand against my temple, massaging it as if the pressure could force the pounding out of my skull. I felt even worse for wear now, caught and cornered by someone I couldn’t brush off easily.
"Varen," Liam continued, his tone easing back into something almost coaxing, "you can trust me. Especially when it comes to... ladies’ issues." He gave a small, wry chuckle. "I’ve had my fair share back home. More than my fair share, actually."
I lifted my gaze, meeting his. His eyes were steady, patient, waiting.
Should I tell him? The question spun in my head, tearing me apart. If I spoke the truth, I would be admitting how badly I had screwed everything up. If I stayed silent, I’d keep drowning alone.
The silence stretched between us. My wolf prowled in my chest, demanding release.
And then... I fucked it all up anyway.
The words spilled before I could stop them. "Since I found out Josie was my mate, there’s been no resolution. None. Every day it’s something new, another fight, another wall between us. We argue, we clash, we burn each other out, and I don’t know what to make of it anymore. I don’t even know if she..." My voice cracked. I dragged in a harsh breath. "It’s breaking me. It’s breaking me a whole lot more than I thought possible."
Liam nodded slowly, absorbing every word. He didn’t look surprised. If anything, he looked like he had already figured out half of it before I said a thing.
"I suspected as much," he said at last. "The way you two circle each other, the way the air tightens whenever you’re in the same room... it’s impossible to miss. But Varen—listen to me."
His gaze sharpened, and he took a step closer. "Josie needs to know there are people there for her. That doesn’t come from repeating the words. It comes from proving it. From actions. You think shouting at her when she does something you don’t like will fix things?" He shook his head. "No. All it does is make her believe you’re no different from those who’ve hurt her before."
I flinched at that, my throat closing. His words hit deeper than I wanted to admit.
"Yes," he continued, softer now, "you have every right to feel unsettled about the arrangements. About her involving your brothers. About the jealousy. Those feelings are valid. But the way you’re handling it? The shouting, the anger, the constant push and pull? That’s not love, Varen. That’s a cycle you’ll never crawl out of unless you change something."
The words burrowed under my skin. My wolf whined low inside me, hating the truth but unable to deny it.
My chest expanded, then collapsed as a howl ripped free from me, wild and broken. It tore into the air, echoing through the forest, carrying with it every ounce of pain I had tried to smother.
Because Liam was right. Damn him, he was right.
I was becoming Thorne.
The thought made my stomach twist. Becoming like him—cold, cruel, sharp-tongued, always ready to strike where it hurt most—that wasn’t something I could ever stomach. And yet, with Josie, I had done just that.
I had become the very thing I swore I would never be.
A bitter taste coated my tongue. I wanted to thank Liam, but the words stuck in my throat. Instead, I shifted back into my wolf, the ground blurring beneath me as I ran, heart hammering, lungs burning.
I needed to fix this.
I needed to stop being Thorne.
I needed to be... Varen again. The soft Varen. The one who had laughed with her once, who had wanted nothing more than to keep her safe, to love her without breaking her apart.
The trees thinned, and the pack house came into view. My paws slowed, heart still pounding as I shifted back, clothes clinging to sweat-slicked skin.
And then I froze.
Josie was there.
She stood in the yard, her hand wrapped around Kiel’s. Her head tilted toward him, her lips curved into a timid smile that stabbed straight through me.
That should have been me.
That should have been my hand she held. My smile she returned.
But it wasn’t.
Because of me. Because of my damn mouth, my temper, my mistakes.
The sight hollowed me out, left me standing there like an empty shell. My chest caved in, breath catching somewhere between rage and despair. My wolf clawed inside, howling his devastation, and all I could do was watch—frozen, shattered, destroyed.
Because I had ruined it all.
And I didn’t know how to fix it anymore.