Chapter 136: Shadows and Surplus
Josie
Kiel was staring at me again.
That same quiet, unreadable stare that always made me feel like he was peeling back the layers of my skin and looking straight into my bones.
I shifted my weight and rubbed my palms against my thighs, trying to shake the prickling warmth crawling over my skin. Finally, I broke the silence because the weight of his eyes was too heavy.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, my voice sharp but fragile all at once. "I didn’t say anything wrong."
His lips quirked, but it wasn’t amusement—it was disbelief. "You really think what you just said makes sense?"
"Yes." The word scraped my throat. My chin trembled, but I lifted it anyway, meeting his stare. "I do. I was going to ask Liam if there was... if there was a way to make it happen." My voice cracked and I looked away, my teeth digging into my lip to keep it from quivering. "That night... when I—"
The words broke off. My throat burned. I couldn’t push them out. Instead, I let my eyes dart away to the sand beneath us, to the endless black sea rolling under the moonlight. My hands trembled as I pressed them against my knees.
"I can’t forgive myself," I whispered, voice splintering. "I couldn’t control it. My powers... I couldn’t stop them. And when it happened, it opened my eyes to the truth. That I’m—" My lips wobbled. The word clawed at me, desperate to escape. "—a monster."
Silence fell.
Then Kiel nodded slowly, like he was weighing every syllable before he let them slip free. "You’re right."
My head snapped up, eyes widening. "What?"
"You’re right," he repeated, his voice calm, steady, unflinching. "You’re a monster."
My chest tightened. The air fled from my lungs. "You—"
"And so am I." His gaze hardened, but it wasn’t cruel. "Same as every werewolf that prowls this pack."
"What are you saying?" My words trembled, my breath hitched. I wanted to recoil, but my feet stayed rooted.
"I’m saying exactly what you said," he replied simply.
"No," I choked, shaking my head. "You’re not the same. You’re a werewolf. Shifting—that’s something you were born to do. It’s natural. It doesn’t make you all these things you keep calling yourself." I pressed my hand to my chest, desperate to make him feel what I was trying to say. "You’re not a monster, Kiel. You’re... you’re amazing. You’ve dedicated yourself completely to protecting the people. That isn’t monstrous, it’s—"
"How?" His voice cut through mine, sharp as a blade. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in. "How do you think I was able to do that?"
I froze, confused. "What do you mean?"
He tilted his head, his jaw tightening. "It wasn’t me. Not really. It was my wolf. He’s the reason I’m strong, the reason I can protect them. He’s the most amazing part of me. Not me."
I swallowed hard. I didn’t know how to respond. His certainty slammed against my doubts, stirring the storm already raging inside me.
Before I could find the words, he grabbed my hand. His fingers were rough, warm, grounding—but also unyielding. Without another word, he pulled me toward the sea.
The cold spray of salt hit my face as we reached the edge. The waves curled and crashed in silver foams, stretching endlessly beneath the moon’s glow.
"What are we doing?" I whispered, my stomach churning.
"Something you need," he said simply.
His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, wild and untamed. He motioned toward the water. "Use your powers. Make the animals out there have more to eat. Give them a surplus."
"What?" My heart lurched. I stumbled back, shaking my head. "I—I can’t do that."
"Yes, you can."
"No!" My voice cracked. "I might... I might hurt them, Kiel. I might kill them. What if I lose control again? What if—what if everything goes wrong?"
"You’re overthinking it." His voice was firm but not harsh, like steel wrapped in velvet. "Do what I say. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about."
The words lodged in my throat. My stomach twisted, my chest heaving. I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to scream it. But when I opened my mouth, the sound died.
Everything inside me felt stacked against me, like the whole world was just waiting for me to crumble. My fear was louder than my faith, gnawing at me, clawing up my throat.
"I can’t," I whispered. My eyes burned, my vision blurring. "I can’t do it."
"Yes, you can," he said again, firmer this time. His grip tightened around my hand, steadying me, keeping me from retreating into the shadows of myself.
"No," I gasped, shaking my head, stumbling backward. "I can’t—"
I turned, tried to run.
But Kiel didn’t move. He stood his ground, tall and immovable like the cliff itself. His hand still bound to mine, refusing to let me slip away.
His voice cut through the roar of the waves. "Do it, Josie."
My body trembled. My knees shook so badly I thought I might collapse.
The fear boiled inside me, suffocating. I didn’t know how to push through it, didn’t know how to reach for the part of me I kept trying to bury. But his voice... it wouldn’t let me sink.
With a sob choking my throat, I lifted my hands toward the water.
The power stirred beneath my skin, hot and thrumming, wild like lightning trapped in my veins. My heart pounded, my lungs clenched, but I pushed.
The ocean shivered.
The fish surged forward, food blooming before them like an endless feast. I gasped, tears stinging my eyes as the water seemed to sing back to me. In the distance, a whale arched from the sea, its body spinning in a backflip. A shark cut through the waves with a flourish, twisting like it was dancing.
A sob burst out of me, ragged and raw.
And then—warmth. A hand on my cheek, gentle, steady.
I blinked and found Kiel’s eyes locked on mine, softer now. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until his thumb brushed away the tear.
"This," he said quietly, his voice breaking into me like sunlight. "This is the answer to your question. You were made to do so much more than give up."
I stared at him, chest heaving, my heart cracking under the weight of everything I felt. "Then why?" My voice was a whisper, but it trembled with pain. "Why did I destroy so much that night?"
His eyes held mine, unflinching, patient. "Because you’re still learning," he said. "Your powers are new, raw. It’s hard to control them. But it’ll get easier. If you stop tearing yourself apart and learn to be kind to yourself."
The words were gentle, but they didn’t sit well. My chest still ached. My doubts still clung, heavy and suffocating. But his touch...
His hand cradled my cheek, grounding me, holding me when I couldn’t hold myself.
And for once, I let go of the fight inside me.
I sank into the warmth of his palm, into the certainty of his presence.
And when his lips pressed against mine, desperate and plenty, I didn’t resist. I let him kiss me until the noise in my head quieted, until the salt on my tongue was from him and not my tears, until all that remained was the truth of his touch.