Chapter 331: White Field
The days passed a little too quickly for Rose, and before she realized it, two days had gone by. Her entourage would be here any moment. Her anxiety had reached its peak. She was glad her father didn’t notice—Rose was worried he might bring up the idea again, and this time around, she might buy it.
In that time, she also didn’t hear anything from the baron or his wife. Rose was unsure if she preferred this or not. She was all packed up from the first day she heard the news—it wasn’t much to pack in the first place, and she had simply done it to avoid going crazy.
She was concerned about leaving her father. It was too soon for him to be alone, but whenever she tried to bring up the topic, he looked offended that she would even think he couldn’t take care of himself.
It wasn’t that she thought he wouldn’t be fine by himself; it was just that Rose couldn’t help but worry. Perhaps she should really consider running away with her father. She didn’t want him to be too lonely.
She would make sure he promised to write a lot of letters, and she would do the same. Rose didn’t know what it would be like with Caius this time, but she hoped she could at least send letters to her only parent.
Rose adjusted the coat over herself as she walked in the snow with nothing but her thoughts. Where she was going was quite some distance from her house, but Rose didn’t feel the long walk. All she felt was the sinking feeling in her stomach as she drew closer. Her courage was slowly dissipating, leaving her with nothing but overwhelming grief.
Rose couldn’t turn back now. She had promised herself she wouldn’t stall any longer. Her father didn’t even know she had plans to come here—he would have offered to accompany her, but Rose knew this was something she needed to do alone.
There was still some time before her father was to return home. Rose wondered how he did it—going back to work so easily, even if he used it as a form of distraction. Rose didn’t think she could return to normal. Her mother had taken a part of her she would never get back.
Rose stopped walking. She had arrived. The public cemetery was huge, and somewhere in the field of graves, her mother was forever laid in the earth. Rose wanted to turn around and leave—she wanted nothing more than to run away—but that wouldn’t change anything. Her mother would still be dead.
The thought of that made the pain in her chest feel even worse—just as bad as when she first found out her mother was gone forever. She took a breath to steady herself as she prepared to go in.
Rose walked in slowly. There wasn’t a gate, just piles of stones to indicate the start of the graveyard. Rows of graves filled the space—Rose couldn’t see the end of each side. Every inch was covered in snow, some less of a pile than others. The white field looked peaceful.
Rose knew exactly where her mother was laid; she could find it in her sleep, despite only ever being here once. She walked slowly, crushing the snow under her boots while being cautious not to step on anyone’s grave.
She saw numerous headstones, and some didn’t have any—there was almost no indication it was a grave. Some headstones were slowly falling apart, as they had been made from wood and other materials that couldn’t stand the test of time. A number of the graves seemed abandoned.
Rose took a deep, cold breath as her mother’s grave drew closer and closer. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself as she stopped in front of it.
Her mother’s grave had not been spared—it was covered in snow. Rose tried to dust off as much of the snow as she could, at least off the wooden headstone. Her mother’s name was clearly written on it.
Rose froze at the letters, and her eyes pooled with tears. She took a step back as she stared at her mother’s grave. Her mother truly was buried underneath this. This was all she was left with.
She lifted her gaze to the sky, a pathetic attempt to stop her tears from spilling—or perhaps she was asking courage from the heavens. When Rose looked down again, she could feel cold tears on her face. She wiped at them; she didn’t come here to cry.
"Mot’er," Rose whispered. "I ought to have done this a long time ago. I should have told you in person, but I guess I truly wanted to believe you’d be fine one day. I miss you terribly so." Rose wiped at her tears.
"I am leaving Edenville. I do not know when I will return, but I will be sure to bring roses to your grave when I do..."
Rose let out a dry laugh as she imagined her mother saying Rose was all the roses she needed.
"I thought I had so many more things I wanted to say to ye, Mot’er, but all I can say is how terribly I miss you. It’s selfish, I know, to wish you had stayed longer when I could see how much pain you were in. Still, it doesn’t make this any easier.
"I am sorry. I didn’t want to let go. I still don’t want to, but I know you’d be displeased if I spent every waking moment languishing over your death."
The words felt heavy in her mouth as Rose realized this was the first time she was saying out loud that her mother was dead.
"I love you, Mot’er—dearly and always."
Rose closed her eyes briefly and dropped to the floor, sitting on the snow. She rested her head on the headstone. Rose didn’t stir for quite some time. When she finally opened her eyes, her lashes were frozen because of the tears, and her behind felt numb.
She slowly stood to her feet, stared at her mother’s grave for a moment, then curtsied before slowly walking away. Rose turned to look back one more time before she crossed the low piles of stone, leaving the graveyard.
The walk home was quiet. Surprisingly, her head didn’t ring—there weren’t any screams. It was just quiet. The only sounds she heard were the crunch of the snow under her boots, the whistling of the wind, and the birds.
When Rose arrived at her street, it was almost time for dinner. Anytime now, her father would arrive home. She didn’t want him to think anything was amiss; he would worry. He was already worried that she was returning to the crown prince—she didn’t want to add to it.
Rose frowned—it suddenly felt like eyes were on her. She lifted her head and immediately stopped in her tracks. Right in front of her house were no fewer than five horses. One of the horses was as white as the snow they stood on, while the other four were a mix of brown and chestnut.
The men all wore kettle helms that obstructed their faces and similar attire—padded gambesons and leather surcoats—with swords attached to their hips. The one on the white horse wore a mantle that spread over the back of the horse.
The white horse trod forward toward her, and Rose was forced to tilt her head upward, but it still wasn’t enough to get a proper look at the man on the horse.
Rose curtsied immediately. She didn’t recognize any of them, but she could tell this was the entourage that was supposed to take her to the crown prince.
The one on the white horse seemed particularly imposing. She had caught a glimpse of a mustache, but that was all. There was no indication that she knew this person.
She kept her head bent as she expected him to say something. After some time, Rose risked raising her head to see that the knight had taken off his kettle hat and was staring down at her with a knowing look on his face.
Rose’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. Thomas! She nearly screamed out loud.
"Lord Thomas," she said instead.
"Rose," he said stiffly, and the corner of his lips twitched. It was hard to decide if he was fighting off a smile or showing his mustache.
Rose bit down on her tongue as she fought not to mention it. "When did you arrive?" she asked.
"Just now," he said, as expressionless as ever. He jumped off his horse and walked toward her.
Rose tried not to smile too brightly as she realized she was happy to see him. He looked different—a little older. Perhaps it was the mustache.
She wasn’t sure if it suited him or if she just needed to get used to seeing it on his face. His brows furrowed, and Rose realized she might have been staring for too long.
"Welcome," she said with a polite smile.