Speaker appeared from the ground near Milo, "To be volunteering? To be making destined-for-mulch useful?"
Milo pointed at Ziggy and Ursa, "To certainly be useful. To make no promises past that statement. To be curious. To learn more of snails. To increase my usefulness and move further away from the mulch pile."
Speaker paused for a moment. Then looked at the snails advancing. "To be accepting of all help."
"A trade of help for knowledge."
"To be in agreement."
"Why are the snails attacking? Why here? And why aren't those tunnels blocked up to prevent them from entering this cavern?"
Speaker paused with his lips moving and thumbs twitching, and Milo had the impression several of the council were trying to talk at once. The Myconian spokesman relaxed a moment later. "The snails have very good taste in mulch, seeking out the best quality flavors, as do we. These beds produce that mulch, along with the Warforms that we use to defend our place in this cavern. If we blocked the tunnels, the snails couldn't get here."
"You wanted the snails to come?"
"To roll eyes and look exasperated. Of course! Harvesting is essential to proper mulch. Glands of the larger snails are distilled into essential nutrients to enhance both mind and body. Snail meat makes the substrate that we grow Warforms from. The stronger the snail, the better the substrate, and the stronger the Warform that grows from it. We are happy that the snails grow larger each cycle. This Gargantua will let us produce towering Warforms not seen since the old days when Kronk emerged from this very spot."
Milo was beginning to understand, but there were still parts of the puzzle he was missing. "When did they start getting larger?""Many cycles ago, shortly after the Collective received the first shipments of mulch enhancements from the Urchemists of Bloth, who process the snail glands for us. This form was not yet made, but the memory is fresh. So tasty! So filling! Rather than ship mulch so far, the Urchemists suggested that shipments of Ginstrat Extract, Dragons Bloom, Witherwart, and other essential nutrients be shipped here, along with Mulch Specialists from their laboratories. This area was perfect. The nutrients are dissolved into the water that feeds the mulch fields and trickles down through all of them. The tastiest mulch is from the top of the hill, and other varieties are produced lower down. It is a clever arrangement that requires fewer nutrients."
"And the snails started getting bigger?"
"Yes, fortune shone upon the Collective. The mulch improved further, and the Urchemists happily bought glands from the mutant snail varieties we began seeing. Each snail season sees more mutations, more snails, and larger snails. Soon, there will be better mulch for all of the upper caste, and our Warforms will be mighty!"
"And where does the water go?"
"To be puzzled by the question. How does this matter?"
"Meat creatures are curious about odd things."
Speaker clapped his hands in delight. "Yes, we had suspected this. Thank you for officially confirming our assumptions. So many odd questions. The answer to this odd question is: The swampy caverns in the next level."
"Has the Collective seen how some events, such as the larger snails and the use of nutrients, might be connected?"
"To roll eyes again. Meat creatures are so silly. Of course, they are connected. Both things are blessings from the Great Old Ones. We will converse later, and this form will enlighten you."
And with that, they walked away to speak with the other mercenary groups, leaving Milo to contemplate the advancing snail army.
Ziggy yelled, "First shots loaded. Trajectory calculated for that large blue battle snail in the center." He was holding out his journal open to a new page with his calculations." Milo barely glanced at it.
"Fire when ready, Ursa, both barrels."
Dagmar laughed, "The damned bear doesn't fire..." he shut up as both cannons fired, pushing Ursa back five feet and nearly crushing him and Furni. "Dammit! That's not a proper way to fire a cannon."
Milo ignored him, watching the cannonballs arc through the air. They weren't the best cannons, equal to the average sixteen-pounder on scavenger ships. An engineer-made artillery piece would have double the muzzle velocity and a flatter trajectory. He was hopeful they'd do for now. Snails didn't have battleship armor, after all. The two balls hit a little short and bounced into the blue snails. One ball crunched into the shells, shattering a section before bouncing into a smaller snail, injuring it. The second shot bounced and hit the snail in the head. There was an explosion of snail flesh as the ball disappeared into the interior of the snail, and it fell on its side.
"Nice shooting, Ziggy. Adjust as you think needed, and we'll put shots down the line. Dagmar, get those guns loaded." Ziggy was scribbling furiously and setting up the next salvo. The rest of the dwarves had cheered as they saw the damage they'd done. Half grabbed fresh bottles, the other half began reloading, a gleam in their eyes.
As if the cannons going off were a signal, the other mercenaries moved forward, and the Myconian Warforms started their slow slog toward the equally slow snails. Milo assumed the warforms would have ignored him, and it was the Collective itself that decided that was a good time to start. Very quickly, Milo began to see a problem, and why the Myconians needed a diverse group of mercenaries to fight for them. The Collective had one type of fighter: The large, tough, slow melee fighters they called Warforms. They varied slightly, armed with bladed arms, knobby mace arms, or pointed lance-like arms. But other than that, they were many unvaried in their use.
Not so the snails. From the rear, snails with long tails grabbed rocks and threw them like catapults at the Warforms. Their aim was terrible, but they could hardly miss the packed ranks. In the second and third rows of the snails, bright green snails stretched out long necks and spewed acidic bile over the Myconian front line. The bile didn't kill immediately, but he could see from here that parts of the Warforms were dissolving and falling off. Fast red Burney Snails darted forward, their smaller bodies and speed taking them into the Warforms, where they began spewing flaming liquid. Most darted back when their ammunition was spent, but Milo saw three that got clubbed to death. In some ways, this was worse, as the snails exploded like bombs. The front line, with blue shells, the dwarves had called Battle Snails, were tough and large. They stopped the Warforms' advance and gave as good as they took, biting into the Myconids as they were slowly chopped apart.
He understood better why the dwarves were nervous about fighting without Ursa to provide firepower and an excuse to stay in the rear of the battle. But many of the other groups were the opposite. The Stone trolls he'd seen walking to the battle waded into the Battle Snails without a care, enduring both fire and acid as they broke apart one snail and started on another. They had chosen to attack on a flank, a wise choice as while they were very tough, they couldn't kill the snails quickly, their thick arms rising up and down with slow regularity. Eventually, they were pushed against a wall and hemmed in, still battering at snails, but no longer holding down that flank. It was the bee girl who came to their rescue, flying over the nearby snails and tossing jars of honey on each snail. The clubs of the trolls became much more effective, smashing through the weakened shells. When a group of three red snails sped her way, she retreated behind the elves.
The elves laughed and waved to her, then unleashed potent sorcerous blasts at the snails. One froze the ground, Ice Spikes shooting up and stopping the snails from moving. The second summoned Acid Rain that began to dissolve the shells, which gave off a rising cloud of gases. Flammable gases, it turned out, as the third mage unleashed a flaming spark that sped down range and exploded into a fireball that ignited the gases. A moment later, all three Burney Snails exploded, taking out two Battle Snails that were too close to the explosions.
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From out of the shadows, a group of twenty misshapen creatures charged to the aid of the stone trolls. They seemed largely ineffective and mostly interested in looting the dead bodies and dragging them off the field. Dagmar cursed when he saw them. "The stone brothers brought trollkin with them? Holy shit, now we have to tie down all our stuff. Those thieving bastards will steal anything, even the bear."
Milo, always curious, asked, "What are they? A small troll race?"
Dagmar shook his head, "Naw, just bits and pieces of trolls that got lopped off and regrew. The main body regrows into the original troll, but if the original had a high enough regeneration level, even the parts turn into trolls. Trollkin never get that big, and no two are alike. The big guys probably brought them along to haul off their kills. You can get a lot of good eating out of a Battle Snail. Steaks, soup meat, and they are tasty as hell, fried in butter with a little rum added. Or a lot of rum. Have to be careful not to catch the whole meal on fire. And never try to cook the red or green ones unless you have one hell of a cast-iron stomach."
Ursa's second shots hit two of the Battle Snails dead center. It helped that they had barely moved since the last shots had been fired. Shells cracked, and both snails screamed in pain or rage, an eerie, high-pitched whine. The balls bounced, one landing in the mud and stopping, the other hitting Gargantua and rebounding with no visible effect. Not so lucky was the smaller red snail that got hit by the rebound. It exploded and sent up a plume of fire.
The trio of strange elven mages was enjoying themselves, working together as a team to destroy one snail at a time. After the fourth snail in a row, they stopped to drink down several potions each and then got back to work. The bee girl flitted about, looking for targets of opportunity. One Battle Snail took a pot of honey to the face, and her bees went into a frenzy, stinging their victim dozens of times before retreating when it quit moving. But she had to be careful. A near miss from an Acid Spurter cost her two of her bees, whose wings dissolved instantly. She retrieved them before the snails could get to them and took them to safety. She spied the bear on the rock and landed nearby. For some reason, she spoke directly to Ursa.
"Two of my bees have bent wings, Miss Bear. Can I leave them with you for safekeeping? I'll bring you a bucket of honey after the battle is over to make Bear Juice. I promise it will be from my best hive. Ursa bent down, and a compartment hatch opened up. "Oh, thank you, this is perfect. I'll be back soon, and we can swap honey-cake recipes." She flew back to the battle, the rest of her hive surrounding her, leaving the dwarves and Milo quite confused. Then they shrugged and got back to their job, throwing cannonballs down range at the invading snails.
Milo looked at Dagmar, scowling. "You can make Bearjuice."
"Oh, sure. Not hard, just takes the expensive gourmet honey that the bee girl sells for too high a price. Then buy the other ingredients from the thieving Blothians. You should see what they charge for high-quality hops! Outrageous. Cheaper to buy lower quality Bearjuice from one of the traders."
Milo was starting to think Dagmar would make decent mulch, after all. There was certainly merit in the experiment. "We'll talk after this. Load two more rounds. We have snails to kill."
The cannons were slowly stemming the advance of the snails, but they weren't winning. The elves were out of mana and out of potions, tiredly walking away while talking about the battle and discussing how to spend their wages. One Stone Troll was missing a leg, and the other was badly wounded; the few remaining Trollkin were helping them retreat. Without the front line of Battle Snails, the War Forms moved steadily forward and began to engage the smaller snails. Casulties mounting on both sides as Acid Spurters and Burney Snails destroyed the War Forms before being clubbed or slashed to death.
Dagmar yelled up at Milo, "That's it. We're down to two cannonballs but not enough powder to shoot the cannons."
Milo looked down at him from Ursa's back. "Not bringing enough ammunition, I could forgive, but running out of explosives? None of the dwarves I know would let that happen."
The older dwarf turned red in the face. "Don't care. I've disappointed lots of people before. But I say we're done here. The battle is a mess, and unless you have a couple of charges for the cannon in your pocket, we can't fire those last two balls."
Milo grinned at him evilly and pulled two square packages of cataclysmite from his pocket. "I just happen to have exactly that. You never know when Professor Boom announces a surprise pocket check. Load these up, and let's aim for the big one. Ziggy, calculate your trajectory with a triple charge of powder. The trajectory should be nearly a straight line. Ursa? Brace hard, this will have a good kick. And no one should be behind the bear!"
One of the elves noticed the commotion. "My, is that fellow wizard yelling at a bunch of dwarves from the back of a mechanical bear?"
"Indeed, he seems upset with their use of explosives and is recommending more. This should be greatly entertaining."
The third pulled comfortable stools from his storage ring along with bowls of snacks, and they settled in to watch the rest of the battle. "He seems upset with them, but then, anyone who has the misfortune to be near Dagmar becomes upset with him."
Milo checked Ziggy's trajectories and found them only slightly off. They adjusted Ursa's stance, aimed the cannons, and held their ears. It was good that no one was behind the bear. Ursa was driven back five feet by the recoil, and the mounting brackets shattered. The cannons flew backwards, kicking up the mud and shattering several mushroom beds. The shots were on target. The first hit the giant snail's shell high on one side and bounded off somewhere. Shattered bits of shell sprayed across the area. The second shot hit the snail in the head, tearing off several mouth tentacles and wounding the monster. How badly was hard to tell.
The result was instantaneous. The monstrous snail let out a high-pitched roar that brought pain to the ears of watchers on the hill and flattened the Myconian army. As Warforms struggled to get to their feet, the remaining snails pushed forward. In their path, lying on the ground, stunned and unable to fly, was Amarella and her bees. They'd been too close to the source of the roar and had been hit hard.
Ursa reared on her front legs and roared back at the huge snail, accepting the challenge. She took off running as she came back down. Ziggy had been thrown off, but not Milo. Tail and one hand were securing him to the bear, his other hand held his staff in the air as he charged into battle.
The elves were excitedly discussing the maneuver. "Now, that's an inventive spellcaster. He brought a bunch of useless dwarves and heavy artillery as camouflage. Now, when the field is clear, he jettisons the extra baggage and charges at the largest snail with the highest bounty. We may have to consider this strategy."
"You just want a mechanical mount. You've always been upset that we passed on that spider that was up for sale."
"The spider was a petulant piece of junk. I prefer bears. You cannot go wrong with a good bear."
"And I want to see how well this strategem works before we go in debt up to our eyebrows with the Mechamagic Guild."
"Wise, he might fail. Still, the sight of him charging towards certain death is thrilling."
"Yes, robes trailing behind him, staff held high! I took a quick picture with my crystal. I'm thinking of having it enlarged and put on the wall of the Mage Guild at home."
"A good idea, and his valor needs to be preserved. After all, he may not survive this charge."
"If he doesn't, we need to get that staff. It's a vintage relic."
"You mean, old junk that's barely worth putting on your wall of your trophy room."
"Quiet, the show is about to start."