Chapter 114: I Want One
Elian;
"Alpha Koda! You’re back?" Kishan questions Koda as soon as we appear in front of his hut, and Koda steps aside so Kishan can see me.
"Yes. Elián wanted to see the baby. Is it okay with you?" Koda replies, and Kishan looks over at me.
His brown eyes study me curiously; however, there’s no hostility in his eyes.
He smiles at me and bows lightly.
"Sure. Let me check if Seun is awake first. He’s quite exhausted." Kishan replies, and I swallow.
I watch as he walks into his hut, and I look up at Koda.
He looks back at me, and he tilts his head in habit before smiling at me.
He holds out his hand to me, and I stare down at it. I step closer to him and place my hand in his, which is twice the size of mine.
He pulls me closer to himself, and as I stand beside him, I keep my eyes trained on the hut’s entrance.
Seun actually gave birth to a baby?
"Hey." Koda’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I look up at him.
I’m stunned when he suddenly lifts my chin, swoops down, and plants a gentle kiss on my lips. It’s feather light but still filled with so much emotion...
He then pulls away from me, and I subconsciously suck my lower lip in and bite it.
"Breathe, love." He whispers, and I gulp. He could tell I’m scared. Is it that obvious?
He smiles and pulls me closer to himself.
"That’s nothing to be scared of. Babies are adorable little things the size of peanuts." He replies, and I swallow.
Well... if the babies are the size of peanuts... that means it didn’t hurt much to push out... right?
Kishan steps out of the hut again, all smiles, and I feel my heart skip a beat.
"Come in, please. Seun was about to go to sleep, but the moment I told him you and Master Elián were here, the sleep went right out the window. He’s bubbling like a child to see you." Kishan informs, and although Koda smiles, there’s something I don’t understand.
Why would Seun be excited to see us right after giving birth? To be honest, I was worried he’d find my request intrusive. That’s why I’ve been nervous. But his husband here is saying he’s excited to have us over??
I really do not understand the ropes or norms of this place.
Kishan holds the curtain shielding the entrance of his hut, and Koda leads me inside.
As soon as we step in, we are welcomed by the scent of Jasmine... Jasmine and rain. The air is delicate in her. Almost like it shifted to be better suited for the newborn.
The air feels so pure in here. Like a gift to my lungs.
"Elián! You came!! I was hoping you would." A voice says, and my head snaps in the direction of the voice.
My gaze lands on Seun, who’s lying on a bed, covered from neck down by a blanket.
On the bed beside him is a little bundle, and I gulp as I stare at it.
"Want to see my baby?" He then questions, and I look back up at him.
I nod slowly, and his smile grows.
"Come." He whispers, and my legs move instantly. I gently pull my hand out of Koda’s and walk over to the bed. I stand beside Seun while Kishan and Koda just stand in the corner, watching.
Seun grabs my arm and pulls me down to sit on the bed, right beside the baby.
My heart starts pounding as I sit, and Seun gently moves the baby so I can see its face.
A burst of emotions erupts in my chest as the tiny blue orbs stare at me.
I look back up at Seun, and he smiles proudly.
"Isn’t he perfect?" Seun questions, and I look back down at the tiny... adorable little thing.
"He looks just like you," I note, and he giggles and nods as he gently shifts the blanket off the baby’s hairline so I can see the baby’s white hair, and I gasp.
"A carbon copy!" I exclaim, and his brows knot.
"Huh?" Seun questions, and I realise that I’ve done it again.
"Oh. Ugh... That’s just my way of saying you both look identical." I reply, and he raises a brow.
"Uh. Carb...?" He begins but stops to ask me about the right pronunciation, and I smile.
What’s the harm in teaching them a few new words?
"Carbon copy." I recite, and Seun beams at me.
"Sounds catchy. Carbon copy. Yes. We are carbon copies." He says, and I shake my head in negation.
"No. Since you’re the original, he is your carbon copy. It means he looks like you." I explain, and his lips form an O as he nods.
"Oh. I get it now. Kisha, do you hear that? I’ve learnt a new word. Our baby is my carbon copy." He announces to his partner, and Kishan smiles.
"I heard." He replies with a smile, and when I look up at them, Koda is smiling at me like a proud mother smiles at their child.
Why does he look at me like I’ve just done something monumental when all I did was teach someone a silly word?
The baby’s gentle coo catches my attention, and my gaze drops back to it.
Its little fisted hands come into view, and I stare at its little fingers.
"Can I touch him?" I question, and Seun nods.
I look back down at the baby who’s still staring at me, and warm clouds fill my chest and flow through my veins.
I’ve always liked babies. Well... not the ones that cry all the time.
I mean, babies who smile at you on the train, or in public. Those ones. I, however, haven’t been around babies this little or so fresh out of the womb. I’m nervous. I want to hold him, but I don’t want to hurt him.
I hold out a finger to the baby, and its gentle, already curious eyes stare at it. He takes my finger in a tight grip, and a smile splits my face.
I stare at his chubby cheeks and move my other hand. I gently caress his cheek, and the baby looks back up at me. I caress his delicate skin, and I feel a yearning begin to grow inside me.
"He likes you," Seun whispers, and although I heard him, I can’t bring myself to look away from the baby. I simply smile as I stare at the baby who’s trying to suck on my finger.
I, however, don’t let him put my finger in his mouth.
He’s a newborn. I don’t think it’s safe for him to have my finger in his mouth. I don’t want to give his delicate immune system anything to have to fight.
"You can hold him," Seun says, and my heart skips a beat as my gaze snaps to Seun.
"I can?" I question in budding excitement, and he nods with a warm smile.
"I know you want to." He replies, and I smile back at him.
I look back at the baby, ready to pick him up, but that’s when one very vital detail hits me.
"But I... I don’t know how to... hold one." I reply, and I look up at Koda.
He must be disappointed to hear that. He, however, isn’t frowning. He also doesn’t look upset.
He just has his arms folded and is watching me with a gentle, almost faint smile.
"Kishan?" Seun calls, and I look back at Seun in confusion.
"Coming, my love," Kishan replies, and I turn back to Kishan, who’s now walking over to me.
I watch him pick up the baby, and my heart falls.
Oh... They don’t want to risk me carrying their baby since I don’t know how.
It’s.. It’s fine. I mean... I’d do the same thing, too, I guess.
I can always come back to see the baby after I’ve learnt how to properly hold...
"So, when you want to carry a baby..." Kishan suddenly says, and my gaze snaps back at the man who’s now sitting on the bed in front of me.
Wait. They want to teach me how to carry a baby?? They’ll do that for me?!
I look back at Seun, who simply smiles at me, and when I look back at Kishan, he’s smiling too.
"It’s not taboo to not know how to handle babies. I also didn’t know. I had to learn." Kishan says, and happiness returns to my heart.
I eagerly hold my hands out, and Kishan moves closer to me.
"So... You put one hand behind his head and neck, to guide it. Their necks are quite weak in the first few weeks, and they have very little head movement control." Kishan begins, and I nod as he gently places his baby in my arms and places one of my hands behind the baby’s head.
"Your second hand has to be at their bottom because they do not have enough back strength and can not support their body weight. This way, you’re giving them support." He says, and he places my second hand on the baby’s bottom, and I nod as I take in all this new information.
"Lastly... you have to hold them to your chest." He says as he gently pushes the baby against my chest, and I look down at the baby I’m cuddling like a little bundle of hope.
"Helps regulate their temperature, keep them calm... and helps you bond with them," Kishan adds, and I nod as I look back up at him, but his gaze is on his baby, which is now cradled against my bare chest.
"Seun was right. He does like you." He says, and I look down at the baby who’s gently sucking his lips and staring at me with his enchanting blue eyes.
I smile at the baby, and as my arms hold the baby firmer... Queen Cassia’s words replay in my mind.
"Think about the beauty of it. You get to give life. You get to create something beautiful. A new life... a little you."
The baby coos again, and then I realise what this feeling is.
I want one...
If I can feel this... way about another person’s baby... This longing... this yearning... this... this want...
If I can feel all of this for a child that isn’t even mine, what happens when I get mine?
Imagine being able to look at a baby in my arms and being able to give it all the love in the world because I have the right to.
...Because it’s mine...
I... I want that.
I want my own baby.